If I had a penny for every time I hear a woman say, (sorry ladies, it’s usually us), “Why can’t he just hold my hand more often?” or “Why can’t he just tell me how much he loves?”Or “Why do I always have to ask for attention?”I would be a billionaire (okay exaggeration, but you get what I'm saying)… Believe it or not, most women aren’t alone in this type of thinking, so my question to them is usually this… “Have you told him how you feel?” or “Does he know you feel this way?” … And the answer is usually the same every time. “No, I don’t want to have to tell him, I think he should already know and just do it!” If there is one thing women from all walks of life have in common, it’s that they just want to be understood without having to tell their spouse what to do!
Well, welcome to the state of marriage or being “coupled”! That is the state of being with someone who expects you to know everything about them and to act upon that knowledge without being told that they want it!
Now I hope you know this state isn’t a phenomenon, it’s nothing new, as a matter of fact it’s so old that several books have been written on how to read your spouse, how to communicate with your partner, how men and women think differently (etc.), or in this case, how to know their “Love Language”!
Today’s blog is based on the book by Gary Chapman, “The 5 Love Languages”, if you frequent marriage conferences the way my husband and I did in the past or have had any type of marriage counseling, I’m sure you have heard of the book or even the assessment and techniques used to learn and even understand you and your spouse’s love language.
The 5 love languages talked about in the book are basically 5 studied, tried and true ways that most people in society seem to want or ask for "love" from others. The 5 ways are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Now here is where the assessment and not “guest work” or you thinking you know yourself works best. Most people really think they know themselves and even their love language until they take the assessment or quiz. I personally am guilty of taking the “I know myself best” approach over taking the quiz at first. But I, like so many others, got it wrong. I thought my 1st love language would have been Physical touch because I do love to hold hands with my husband, but after taking the assessment I found out my first love language is Words of Affirmation. I love being told by my husband how much he loves and cares for me!
Now, I’m not going to go into each of the languages in this blog… I must help Mr. Chapman promote his book somehow, so you must buy the book to find out what each language means on a deeper level. And if you have found yourself like so many others in life, desiring for your spouse to read your mind instead of knowing for sure what you really want, then this book is worth the money.
So tonight, have a little fun with your spouse, make a date night to go to the bookstore or google “The 5 Love Languages”and buy the book or take the quiz online and have a date night finding out more about each other; I can almost bet you are going to find out things about each other you never knew! I know I did!
Now once you find out your love language, here is where I think the key to utilizing the knowledge is, remember, knowing is only half the battle, just because your spouse knows what you like or dislike, don’t expect them to just get it right the first, second or even third time. Both of you are still learning, and even babies fall when they are learning to walk. Give each other some time, patience, and understanding! I’m sure after a few months of intentional practice, some reminding here and there and lots of love, you will have not only perfected your spouse’s love language but your marriage will be on the road to better communication, better understanding, better romance, a healthier marriage and an overall healthier life!!!
Love, Kisses and Teacups!
Always In His Grace!